How to Stop Relatives Meddling in your Personal Affairs?

Every family has a few of these types, those who stake their right to every bit of information! They are the eager beavers or the frequent busybodies present almost in every family. Many a times these intrusive individuals are not overly concerned because they are altruistic or want to see harmony in the family; it is usually because they are meddlers.

Believe it or not, some relatives get a thrill out of meddling in your personal affairs. This seems to give them some sort of joy for the moment. It can even turn into gossip where the whole family has a gossip line going about, you from Auckland to California.

Don’t get me wrong. Family can be one of life's greatest blessings when they are supportive, understanding and caring. However, there are times, when some of your relatives cross the line of caring to enter the zone of meddling, it is no longer a blessing, it usually feels more like a curse. Your relatives may have an irresistible urge to expound some of their wisdom to "help" your situation. The counsel or advice quickly turns into a meddling in your affairs. So-called concerned relatives may feel the need to dabble into situations in your life that they have nothing to do with; neither do they have any control over it nor any real interest in resolving it albeit get a thrill out of it.

Often people make the mistake of succumbing to the outwardly friendly approach of these busy bodies and succumb to their wily ways for the purpose of being liked. By the time they realize, it is too late as they may have established habits and practices that are not only irritating, but also interfering.
It's a fact in most extended families’, relatives feel they have a right to all information and assume an active central role. The thought is that since you are related, you should share every intimate detail of your life with each other, and give commentary and suggestions. In large families, this takes the form of gossip about other family members providing entertainment value.

But why does this happen? It probably emerges from the early impressions that people form with respect to the members of the family. The early impression we all had in their minds about us boxes us into a stereotype. Some of us were average, some bright, some lucky, some underachievers and some of us were even the black sheep. Whatever the stereotype in your family of origin, chances are that those notions have continued. Meanwhile you might have moved on in life and probably shaping yourself for better things but if that is at odds with those early impressions, it gives enough reasons for them to discredit you.

As you begin to get ahead and show the new you, some of your family members will feel uncomfortable. They will not know how to deal with you, the way you are now, so inevitably, they will try to push you back into the stereotype role you had before or start malicious campaign against you.

Just as in the childhood game of reling messages on an imaginary "Telephone," the story changes as it's passed between family members and ends up as garbled. You, as a member of this family, fall into two categories; you either feel your life is an open book or you choose to have certain aspects of your life private. So what do you do if you fall into the latter category? The more you try to retain your privacy, the harder they will work to pry information from you or gang up to annoy you.

One must set limits with them and its never too late to do this, because the longer they are allowed to interfere, the greater the influence these meddling types will have on your relationships with others. It is important to speak up when asked to do or say something with which you do not agree. Do not sacrifice your opinions or what you know to be right simply for the sake of getting along with your relatives. When they do something you do not like, tell them in a civilized manner what they did and why it upsets you. Try and be conciliatory by explaining what is acceptable, but again, not at the expense of your beliefs or self-esteem. If you have reconnected with any of the family member, be on alert. Old patterns will most likely remain in waiting to thrust you into the same old position.

With this said keep in mind that you have to do what is best for yourself, regardless of how your family may respond. The choice of making a change is something that you are doing for your benefit, and not for anyone else’s harm. You should not feel guilty for doing what is right for you.

To prevent your relatives from meddling in your personal affairs here are a few tips you may want to try:

1. Do not talk too much about your business.

2. Keep your business out of the street.

3. Just say nothing. If someone in your family comes to you meddling. Just tell them you don't wish to talk about it.

4. Tell your kids to keep their tongue. Sometimes conniving relatives will go so far as to ask your children questions about your life. If some of their relatives want to know about you, tell your children to say, "you have to ask my mother or father about that.”

5. Change the conversation. If a family member wants to meddle in your affairs, try changing the subject.

6. Flip the question around on them. Most times people like to meddle in your affairs, but they do not like for you to meddle in their's.

7. Another tactic is to answer their questions with one of your own. When the meddling relative begins to inquire about your personal life in a way that you aren't comfortable with, here is your answer: "Why do you ask?". The question makes them uncomfortable and forces them to assess their true motives, as well.

Lay new ground rules for your relationship, and stick by them, even when it hurts. It will pay off in the long run. Eventually your family will get used to the new you, and learn how to relate to you.

Family is what you are born into, there is no choice about it. Do all that you can to keep these relationships healthy and intact. They are important, but always remember that you are in control of your life and how you choose to live it. Don't allow yourself to be run over or exhausted by meddlesome relatives.

You can put a stop to it, at best by questioning their intent and at worst by severing the relations.

The bottom line is that it is your life. Stopping meddlers takes assertiveness, setting boundaries, and understanding the dynamics. Setting boundaries takes clear communication. Chances are that if you originate from a family that is enmeshed, there is more than one meddler. If you are determined to stop the meddlers, you will need to gain great skills in assertiveness and setting limits.

Ultimately, it is important to realise that the only person you can change is yourself. It is wise not to waste too much time and energy trying to change another person. Simply change the way you deal with them.

Good luck….